We
have the free will to do thoughtless things that can bring harm not only to
ourselves but to others as well. Evidently I am still able to forget lessons
that I’ve already learned.
Somewhere
out there I am now a “This idiot tried to pass…” road story for a couple of
truckers. They would probably use slightly more colorful language.
Toward
the end of 2015 I had been dealing with some health issues and made a trip back
to Wichita, Kansas for some tests. (We had recently moved to Missouri and had
not yet chosen doctors at our new location.) On my return trip home to Missouri
the doc in Wichita called me on my phone with the results. Let’s just say that
they weren’t the best of results to get over the phone and I was distracted. I
would like to say that I was driving deep in thought but well…you know.
Whenever
I returned to Wichita I tried to make sure I drove back with a load of stuff we
had in storage there. So, I had a full load on the Nissan pickup and was
pulling a fully loaded cargo carrier. That tends to make my little truck less
responsive. Okay, a lot less responsive.
I
had been behind a slow moving semi for quite a while. We hit a stretch on the
downside of the hill where I had enough room to pass. When I first pulled out
to pass a little voice said, “Not enough time”. But I went anyway. Ever done
that?
Anyway, I found myself looking at the front of
a truck closer than I have done since 1966. (I had fallen asleep at the wheel
driving home on leave and woke up in the wrong lane looking at the front of a
truck with his horn blaring. Incidentally, I could tell the guy needed a shave.
Life can get
interesting in just a few seconds. A lot of thoughts can go through one’s head
very quickly. The first of which for me was “what a stupid way to go.”)
Once
again I found myself within a couple of seconds of being a splatter on the
front of another semi approaching from the opposite direction. I had passed
the point of no return; it was either pass or go for the ditch and it wasn't a good ditch. I couldn't tell if the driver
needed a shave but he did need a trim. My
little Nissan and I barely made it. Emphasis on the barely.
We
think about having time to do some things before our last moment happens. My
plan has always been if I had a few seconds to simply close my eyes and think
about dancing Shelley down the aisle like I did at our wedding. Instead I was
just hoping not to pee my pants or worse.
Some
things, like telling my wife that I love her every day, several times a day, I
don’t have to relearn. Telling my family or friends that I love them is easy
for me. But I do forget to pay attention at times to the little things that are
important. I forget to acknowledge the constant little joys of the day. Too
many times I put off enjoying what’s right before me.
Here’s
one very small example. I
have this beautiful hand-made coffee cup. My wife picked up the cup at Ghost
Ranch located in New Mexico while she vacationed there on a “no stinky men
allowed trip” with her family. It has incredibly thin sides, minimalist
turquois glazing with Indian symbols on the slightly flattened four sides. I
saved it for “good” use only; meaning that it hardly ever got used but was
admired by me almost every day hanging there with other special cups on the
coffee bar.
One
day I bumped the coffee bar and the cups swayed. My bestest cup swung into
another cup hanging there, made a tinking noise and chipped a tiny piece of
glaze off the lip. The cup I hardly ever used was now damaged goods.
How
many things do you have that you save for “good”; using them only for special
occasions? I’d like to make a suggestion: how about we try and make every day a special occasion;
treat every conversation as if it were the last one?
My
dad was sitting on a table, leaned over and then he was gone, from a massive
coronary. A neighbor of ours was walking down the hall of her home, fell and
was gone before she hit the floor. Our older brother was diagnosed with brain
cancer on a Thursday and was gone by the next Monday. I found out a cousin
had passed away a year and a half after she was gone. I was halfway through
writing her a letter when I learned. Every person has similar stories. “Why, I
was just talking with them a couple of days ago!”
Families
and friends have squabbles and say things that reach past today and into the
future. To what end? Is that what will be remembered? “I never talked to them
again and our last conversation wasn’t good.” Every time we see or talk with
someone it might be for the last time. Remember that. Hold onto that throughout
your day. We may think that we have plenty of time, perhaps years, when we may
only have days, minutes or that last time that we’re with them right then.
Those
of the faith should remember that one of the prime directives above all others
is to love one another. Those with a different corner stone should bring what’s
best about humanity. Do good things. Do things that don’t bring hate, anger, hurt feelings, regret,
sorrow or tears unless they’re tears of joy. Fill your day with good acts,
thoughts and last moments. Be the best version of you.