Looking for nads
Jan 3rd, 2025
In the interests of full transparency I wrote this when I was stoned. When the munchies set in, I went through an entire tin of Christmas cookies, ate a half pound of a Claxton fruitcake bar and then went to work on chocolate that we have scattered strategically throughout the house. It was hard to eat and write at the same time. At 2 a.m. I had to get up and go eat some Hershey Kisses because.
Show your peni America!
Once MAGA assumes complete control of the government in January an official Department Of Gonad Examinating can be created. There are bathroom police monitors to hire and train in the fine art of appropriate sex facility determinating.
I’m going to tell you right now that those hardy souls that will be policing bathrooms need to be mean-take-no-bullshit-great-big motherfuckers if they’re going to be checking to see if dicks are being used in the appropriate facility.
When that stall door gets knocked on and/or kicked open and the “just checking to see if you have a dick!” announcement is made, they need to be prepared for whatever happens next. It could be ugly especially with so many people packing.
Did you ever notice that when wannabe MAGA bathroom monitors get all woked up about bathrooms it’s about men using women’s bathrooms and not vice versa? They’ll be all apoplectic about men playing in women’s sports, not vice versa. That’s my justification for writing this from a dick perspective since I have primarily used men’s bathrooms. (My mind is also flipping through possible pictures to use for the top of this post. … Got one!)
In all of my years of using bathrooms all across the globe I didn’t realize that I should have been worried that the person just one stall over might have had a vagina instead of a dick. What’s more thoughts of broaching the subject never came up. My priorities in life are obviously all messed up.
Just to be up front I have seen a lot of dicks in my life starting with high school gym class. It’s kind of liberating to get these kinds of conversations out in the open. Dare I say progressive. I hated high school gym class because of the showers afterwards. There was a lot of grab ass and playing with towels. The jocks just couldn’t seem to keep their hands off one another. I never played sports. I went to work after school was let out.
Then there was my 4 years in the army and more showering with other men. Shower with a bunch of guys and you’re going to see a few dicks or peni if you prefer. Our showers were communal back in the day. And we only communed with men. Starting to sound a little gay, isn’t it? Hey! It isn’t like we were Spartans!
In all my years of going to the bathroom in men’s restrooms I have never seen a dick. You know why? I don’t go in there to look at dicks. I go there to conduct business. Never once has anyone asked me if I had a dick. I have never once looked over to make sure that the person standing next to me had a dick or if they were just faking it to look like they were peeing. It just seemed to me that the very act of standing up to pee should have been a clue to most people.
I have to admit that it is possible that there are women putting on strap ons just so they can go in and have the experience of what it’s like to pee freely while standing up. Just the position mind you. Not the actual act. It’s kind of disconcerting to look back and think that women could have been slipping into men’s bathrooms all this time and we didn’t even know it.
Personally I don’t really like to talk when I’m using the facilities. I have never had the urge to ask the person in the stall next to me if they have a dick. I’ve never been hit on in the restroom either. IDK, maybe I’m not pretty enough. That’s only gotten worse.
It’s really what’s going on in the bathroom stalls that MAGA government is worried about. That’s where the attention really needs to be focused. Attention and signage. Like only those people with actual dicks allowed or not allowed in here. Doors need to come off of those stalls. There needs to be a national off with the doors movement! Put up some posters! What’s really happening here?
Now I happen to have been in women’s restrooms lots of times. Lots! (Probably not what you’re thinking right now.) There were no screams. I was a janitor at the university while attending college. The women’s restrooms were nice. I hardly had to clean up or wipe down much. The men’s restroom’s should have been more appropriately named animal’s restrooms. At times it didn’t look like whatever was using them was housebroken. Hazmat suits would have come in handy.
However I did go into a women’s restroom once and it wasn’t to clean it up. I had driven over an hour to a doctor’s appointment and when I pulled up to the building, I’m telling you that there was no time to wait. I ran in and over to where I knew the restrooms were located. In the door and into the first stall that was open.
So when did I realize that I was in a women’s restroom? When I opened the door and there was a woman standing at the sink washing her hands. Know what she did? She laughed. Probably from the look of shock on my face. I apologized a lot. She just laughed and said that it wasn’t a problem. There was another problem. I still had to leave the women’s bathroom and there was a large crowd in the waiting room. I had blown past them in my frantic run to the John. Know what they did when I emerged?
They all laughed.
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