(2.5-minute read)
EXCLUSIVE!
You read it here first!
Bombshell Announcement!
Q was right all along. Trump’s pick for his Vice President running mate is none other than:
JFK Jr.!
Groundbreaking
Some may claim that Trump’s choice is one made in poor taste. To that I say au contraire! Even the dead JFK Jr. will be more animated at press conferences than Trump’s previous VP Mike Pence. Plus his hair will be more natural looking. What’s more he’ll be keeping his mouth shut because … well … because he’s dead.
At the press conference, held in a random cemetery where JFK Jr. isn’t buried, Trump announced his pick and hyped the truly historical aspect of having the first certifiably dead person running for VP.
Trump is quoted as saying:
“There isn’t anything in the Constitution that says a person running for office has to be alive! My attorneys, Alina Habba, Sidney Powell, and Clarence have already checked out the legality of my doing this. This is just another example of me using my genius powers at work for the American people. My loyal subjects wanted him on the ticket and I have delivered yet again.
Besides that one yabba dabba do lady, I just can’t think of her name right now and a lot of what she says I can’t understand anyway; it’s like she speaking in some foreign language, she assures me that there is life after death anyway. So, either these people are nut bags that have been lying to us or people are technically still alive. I’m on solid theoglogicamal ground here. Jesus wasn’t just phoning it in.
What’s more I will be appointing more dead people to my cabinet after I become President. There isn’t anyone too dead for me not to consider them. I heard that Richard Nixon is looking to dabble in politics again if he can get the time off. A lot of the dead have expressed their interest in serving in my new administration.
Others are being considered but frankly they aren’t quite dead enough yet but are still in the running for cabinet positions. So, for those having a terminal illness but have yet to cross over don’t give up hope. There still might be a place for you in my new administration. By including dead people, we will have the most diverse administration in the history of the world! I look forward to valuing their input.
This is a great time to be dead!
Now I’m going to turn things over to my new communications director Roseanne Barr to take your questions! Take it away Roseanne!
Roseanne Barr speaks.
Stop the God Damned Bullshit!
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